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Through the Motions, Into the Silence

Tue, 26 May 2026 18:51:54 GMT

May 17. 2026

Through the Motions, Into the Silence

Samantha’s funeral was Wednesday. We woke up in a fog, methodically dressed in funeral attire, and dragged our feet to the car. I’m not sure how we made it to the church, but somehow the car found the way.

The service was beautiful, poignant, filled with memories of Sam, and focused on honoring her authentic faith in God. They tell me the place was filled with mourners. Bryon and I went through the motions and barely recall the details.

I couldn’t get out of the car when we got home. Bryon backed into the garage, parked, turned the engine off, and we just sat there, not saying a single word. Silence. A tear rolled down my cheek. Then another. I simply could not make myself move. Grief overwhelmed me in a way I had not let myself feel while I had to hold it all together these past few days. My shoulders shook with quiet sobs. My stomach clenched.

We were supposed to be at a Phil Wickham concert with Natalie and Samantha this evening. The short trip to Minneapolis and overnight stay had been planned for months. Those 4 concert seats sat empty that night. Samantha loved Phil’s music. Just a couple of weeks ago, she, Bryon, and I had been swapping songs on Spotify, our excitement for the event building. Instead, Phil’s songs played memorial to Sam at her funeral service. Tragic. More hot tears soundlessly stained my cheeks.

An image from the graveside service assaulted my memory. William, our 9 year old grandson, had drawn on the vault a picture of a smiling face, a waving hand, with the message “bye. William”. His somber expression, saying goodbye in the way he knows best made my heart twist.

Finally, I moved from the car only when I remembered that the flowers needed to be taken into the house. Movement was good. Emptying the car provided a respite, momentary feeling of purpose.

We went for a walk. Yes, movement is good, helps us feel not so stuck.

Then we stayed up too late…what are we supposed to do with tomorrow???

The next morning, we woke with eyes swollen from crying and gritty from dehydration. And somehow we made it through the day after the funeral.

Today marks two weeks since our lives were changed forever when our daughter died. This afternoon, we remember.

We love you, Sam.

Lamentations 3:22-23: "Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."

Last night was the visitation for Samantha

Tue, 26 May 2026 18:47:02 GMT

May 13, 2026

Last night was the visitation for Samantha.

Walking into the church, I (Cheryl) felt faint. My head spun. I took a breath that caught in my throat. Then a part of myself seemed to detach and hover while another part stepped forward to manage the afternoon and evening with composure.

My head hurt.

I was obsessed with finding the right space for the “Abide” painting my friend made in remembrance of Samantha. It seemed the only small thing I might have some control over.

The casket was closed. The body that the funeral home worked so hard to prepare simply did not hold Samantha anymore and it could not capture her vibrant spirit. The most honorable thing to do was to close the casket and focus on her candid pictures in the slideshow and the beautiful posed senior photo that adorned her casket.

Casket… And Samantha… These two words should never go together.

The line of people seemed to be never ending. The composed part of me stayed in charge as Bryon and I pasted on smiles and welcomed the condolences of the multitude that was there to support to us all. In return, we offered condolences to her family, her friends, her classmates, and the children that she worked with in the after school program.

A little blonde girl approached us with a drawing that she made of her and Samantha, telling us the story of how Samantha was her teacher and taught her “waterfall breathing” to help her calm down when she was feeling upset.

Her professor from DMACC approached with tears in his eyes and presented to Bryon the final paper that he had graded for Samantha, a red “A” noted on the front page along with the date of April 28, just a few days before she died.

My feet hurt from standing in heels and an inner critical voice at the back of my head wondered why did I wear a coral jumpsuit? No one else was wearing something so bright. Imposter syndrome continued with thoughts of “I’m only the stepmom”. An ache in the pit of my belly.

I looked at Bryon. His demeanor, so welcoming and receptive with an unfamiliar deep sadness in his eyes and his posture. My wonderful husband, such a loving, protective and warm father.

I heard him honoring Samantha’s mother, Maggie, to the mourners, recognizing her as having been the best mom possible to Sam … and meaning it. I looked across the room at Maggie, through the sea of people, and knew it was true. My heart ached for her.

Finally, after the line had trickled, driving home, we wondered how we did it. We quietly ate burgers at home with family that our son and daughter-in-law grabbed at a drive thru, then acknowledged the need to go to bed. Exhausted, we slept with the help of medicine and a prayerful meditation.

Now, it is funeral day.

Psalm 29:11 The Lord will give strength to his people, the Lord his blesses people with peace.

Grief-Through the Motions, Into the Silence

Tue, 26 May 2026 18:41:38 GMT

At Moore Life Counseling, we walk alongside others in their deepest valleys. Today, we are walking through our own. Two weeks ago, we lost our beautiful daughter, Samantha. This is what the fog of grief looks like for us right now...

May 11, 2026

Thoughts on Grief

At Moore Life Counseling we believe in the power of practicing what we preach. This weekend, the owners, Bryon and Cheryl, had to put our own clinical tools to the test while navigating a profound personal loss after our youngest, Bryon’s 19 year old daughter, died as a result of a car accident. We share this in hopes it helps anyone else currently walking through the 'quiet' after a storm.

Yesterday the kids all went back to their respective homes. The grandkids left and the house was quiet for the first time in a week.

Bryon and I looked at one another with the haunted, blank looks of having gone through the worst week imaginable. The temptation was to retire to the dark basement family room and binge watch mindless television.

I asked, are we exhausted or depressed? Both, it turns out. We paused a moment and took a breath. As owners of a mental health counseling practice, we decided to practice what we preach. We felt the feelings and used the coping skill “opposite action” for depression—essentially making ourselves do the opposite of isolating and avoiding our pain to instead build some positive energy and emotion to increase resilience and manage emotions purposefully.

We put air into the tires on our bikes, changed our clothes, filled our water bottles then took our bodies weakened from grief to the fresh air and sunshine.

As the wind wizzed by while tires sang on the pavement, our muscles woke up, and our breath came a little easier. We came upon a grove of purple spring flowers and grief swelled again. Sam would’ve loved these flowers. I could almost hear her sing-songy voice ringing “they’re so pretty!” and imagine her picking a bouquet. She probably would have given a bunch to me and another to her Mom. She would have loved this beautiful spring day.

Later, after a much needed shower, we decided to have lunch at Laughing Crab. We spent this time remembering how much she enjoyed cracking crab legs with us and devouring the succulent lobster, shrimp, potatoes, and corn, her face and hands a buttery mess, her contagious laugh, and guttural expressions of “yummy”. Yes, we cried. And we rejoiced that we have these memories of her.

This week we enter into more times of remembrance with navigating visitation, funeral services, burial, and so much more that we don’t even know is to come yet.

This one thing we know, “Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.””

Psalms 91:1-2 NIV

What is Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy (KAP)?

Sat, 08 Nov 2025 20:27:23 GMT

Now offering KAP services at Moore Life Counseling!

At Moore Life Counseling, we believe that healing happens when the mind, body, and spirit are invited to work together. Ketamine-Assisted Psychotherapy (KAP) is a powerful and evidence-based approach that helps individuals access deeper layers of emotional healing, insight, and self-compassion.

What is Ketamine-Assisted Psychotherapy?

KAP combines the use of low-dose ketamine—a legally prescribed medication—with the support of a trained therapist in a safe and intentional setting.

Ketamine works gently to quiet rigid thought patterns and defenses, allowing for expanded awareness and emotional openness.

When paired with psychotherapy, this state of openness can help clients process old wounds, release patterns of depression or anxiety, and reconnect with meaning and vitality.

What Does a KAP Session Look Like?

A typical KAP session begins with preparation, where we discuss your goals, intentions, and what to expect during the experience.

During the medicine session, you’ll take a prescribed dose of ketamine (often in lozenge or troche form) and are supported by your therapist as you move inward. Soft music, eye shades, and grounding techniques are often used to create a calm, therapeutic space.

Afterward, we spend time in integration, helping you make sense of the insights and emotions that arose so you can apply them to daily life.

Who Can Benefit from KAP?

KAP may be a good fit for adults seeking healing from:

Depression
Anxiety
PTSD or trauma
Emotional numbing or disconnection
Existential or spiritual distress

It’s also valuable for those who feel “stuck” in traditional talk therapy and are ready to explore a new depth of healing.

Safety and Support

Each participant receives a medical evaluation before beginning KAP to ensure safety and proper dosing. Sessions are always facilitated by a licensed mental health professional with specialized KAP training, in a supportive and trauma-informed environment.

The Power of Integration

The real transformation happens in how you integrate what you experience. Insights that arise during the medicine session often point toward new perspectives, self-compassion, and clarity about what’s needed next in your healing journey.

At Moore Life Counseling, we view KAP as a bridge — one that connects inner wisdom with lasting emotional change.

Curious to learn more?

Visit www.moorelifecc.com

or contact Cheryl Moore, LMHC, Certified KAP Therapist, to explore whether Ketamine-Assisted Psychotherapy may be right for you.

Why Do We Need Emotions Anyway?

Fri, 05 Sep 2025 18:32:40 GMT

Understanding the Function of Emotions in DBT

At Moore Life Counseling, our DBT Skills Training Group

recently focused on one of the most important parts of building emotional resilience: understanding what emotions do for us.

Many of us grow up hearing that some emotions are “good” while others are “bad.” In reality, emotions all serve a purpose. By learning to recognize their functions and how they impact our body, we can begin to regulate them in healthier ways.

�� What Do Emotions Do for Us?

Emotions are not random—they play a powerful role in our daily lives. They:

Motivate us to take action
Help us communicate with others (verbally and nonverbally)
Organize our body’s responses to situations

We explored this idea by watching Marsha Linehan, the founder of DBT, discuss the function of emotions

https://youtu.be/tR-O12A78hw

�� Expanding Our Emotional Vocabulary

We used the emotion wheel to look at six basic emotions that all humans are born with: anger, happiness, surprise, disgust, sadness, and fear.

By exploring the outer rings of the wheel, we practiced naming more nuanced feelings. This helps us understand our emotions with more accuracy—moving beyond just “I’m sad” or “I’m mad” into a fuller awareness of what’s happening inside.

�� The Window of Tolerance

Another tool we explored was the Window of Tolerance (WOT) , which describes how emotions impact our nervous system and ability to cope.

Optimal Arousal Zone – where we can think, process, and regulate emotions effectively.
Hyperarousal – when emotions feel overwhelming (fight or flight). This may look like anxiety, panic, anger, or agitation.
Helpful skills: deep breathing, slowing down, or a gentle walk.
Hypoarousal – when emotions feel shut down (freeze or fawn). This may look like numbness, depression, or neglecting self-care.
Helpful skills: a cold shower, brisk walk, or eating something crunchy or sour to wake up the body.

�� Learn more: Video on the Window of Tolerance https://youtu.be/TNVlppGz0zM

�� Blog post: Mind My Peelings – Window of Tolerance https://www.mindmypeelings.com/blog/window-of-tolerance?rq=window%20of%20tolerance

✨ Key Takeaway

Emotions are natural, human, and purposeful. By understanding their role, naming them more precisely, and practicing skills to return to our Window of Tolerance, we can create balance and resilience in our emotional lives.

At Moore Life Counseling, we’re committed to equipping our clients with tools like these to build healthier relationships with themselves and others.

Until next time...

Skillfully,

Cheryl

Building Mindfulness Skills Through DBT

Fri, 29 Aug 2025 19:27:37 GMT

The Foundation of DBT Skills

The foundation of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT): Mindfulness. Mindfulness skills help us slow down, notice what’s happening in the present moment, and respond with clarity instead of reacting automatically.

�� Wise Mind

At the heart of DBT mindfulness is Wise Mind—the balance between Emotion Mind (where feelings run the show) and Reasonable Mind (where logic takes over) . Wise Mind integrates both, guiding us toward choices that honor both facts and feelings.

�� Watch: Wise Mind video https://youtu.be/oyTPJA5CTts?si=JAzPTqVQU3T5oC6S

The “What” Skills

These are the core actions of mindfulness—what we actually do to be mindful:

Observe – Notice what’s happening inside and around you.
Describe – Put words to your experience.
Participate – Fully engage in the present moment.

�� Watch: “What” Skills video https://youtu.be/JUSaQL1_zXE?si=6bCDxCjm6xNi4fIJ

The “How” Skills

These tell us how to practice mindfulness effectively:

Nonjudgmentally – Notice without labeling things “good” or “bad.”
One-Mindfully – Focus on one thing at a time.
Effectively – Do what works, not what feels “right” in the moment.

�� Watch: “How” Skills video https://youtu.be/oYdrMpnE93s?si=Fwv6g8yIudE5APjc

�� Group Practice

In DBT Skills Training group, we practice mindfulness together through guided exercises and discuss how these skills show up in daily life. Members share successes and challenges while reviewing their DBT diary cards, an important tool for tracking emotions, urges, and skills use throughout the week.

Extra!

If you’d like to go deeper, the DBT and Me Podcast offers helpful episodes to support your practice:

Wise Mind – Feb 2020
“What” Mindfulness Skills – Mar 2020
“How” Mindfulness Skills – Mar 2020
7 Key Principles of DBT / Skills Training Assumptions – Episode 72, June 28, 2023
Biosocial Theory – Episode 78

�� Final Thought

Mindfulness isn’t about perfection— it’s about practice . Every time you pause to notice your breath, observe your emotions, or engage nonjudgmentally, you’re strengthening a skill that makes life more manageable and meaningful.

Until next time..

Skillfully,

Cheryl

What the Heck is DBT? Why these skills just make sense.

Fri, 22 Aug 2025 16:32:37 GMT

What the heck is DBT? Why These Skills Just Make Sense

This past week, we launched our DBT Skills Training Group in West Des Moines here at Moore Life Counseling. It was wonderful to welcome participants and begin this journey of learning skills to manage emotions, improve relationships, and build a life worth living.

What is DBT?

DBT, or Dialectical Behavior Therapy , was developed by Dr. Marsha Linehan as an evidence-based treatment for people struggling with intense emotions, anxiety, depression, and relationship challenges. At its core, DBT is about balance — holding two truths at once, even when they feel opposite.

(If you’re new to DBT, watch this short video by Dr. Linehan and check out my blog post: What the Heck is DBT? ).

https://youtu.be/9ljzoPktJ4Q?si=TSD4KZh3gCIjzIpM

DBT Assumptions: A New Perspective

During orientation, we reviewed the DBT Assumptions, which serve as guiding principles for therapy:

People are doing the best they can.

People want to improve.

People need to do better, try harder, and be more motivated to change.

People may not have caused all their own problems, but they must solve them anyway.

New behaviors must be learned in all relevant contexts.

All behaviors (actions, thoughts, emotions) are caused.

Figuring out and changing the causes of behavior works better than judging and blaming.

Group members reflected on the impact of growing up in invalidating environments and how those experiences still affect them today. Together, we processed how DBT assumptions can shift our perspective — helping us replace judgment with self-compassion while still encouraging growth.

Bio-Social Theory: Why Emotions Feel Intense

We also explored the bio-social theory of DBT, which explains how biology and environment interact to make emotions stronger and harder to manage. Here’s a short video overview.

https://youtu.be/QC8Y0Scg1S8?si=iUn4_qti7_VMglI2

Homework & Resources for Building DBT Skills

Each participant left with tools to practice between sessions, including a Diary Card and a Life Vision worksheet to guide focus and motivation. For those who want more resources, I recommend:

The Skillful Podcast (Episode 38: “What the Heck is Dialectics”)
DBT and Me (Episode 79: “Recovering From Invalidation”)
Building a Life Worth Living by Marsha Linehan
The DBT Skills Workbook by McKay, Wood, & Brantley

Next Session: Mindfulness Skills

Next week, our DBT group will focus on Mindfulness Skills — the foundation of all DBT modules. Mindfulness helps clients manage anxiety, reduce emotional reactivity, and stay grounded in the present moment.

If you’re curious about joining DBT skills training in West Des Moines, Iowa , or want to learn how DBT can help with anxiety, depression, trauma recovery, or relationship stress , we’d love to connect with you.

�� Follow us on Facebook for weekly DBT tips and encouragement: Moore Life Counseling on Facebook. https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61551536545802

�� Explore our website for more resources: www.moorelifecc.com .

✨ Skillfully,

Cheryl

Moore Life Counseling – West Des Moines, Iowa

What the Heck is DBT?

Fri, 15 Aug 2025 20:52:26 GMT

Why I fell in love with DBT — and why my clients wish they’d learned it sooner.

If you’ve ever felt lost in a sea of acronyms — CBT, EMDR, IOP, OMG — you’re not alone. In the therapy world, it can feel like we’re speaking our own secret language. So when someone first told me about DBT, my first thought was, “Okay… what does this one mean?” (Spoiler: It’s not a new texting shorthand.)

DBT stands for Dialectical Behavior Therapy, and while it’s not a gadget or a workout, it is a powerful, life-changing approach to learning practical skills for managing emotions, handling stress, and improving relationships.

How I Discovered DBT

I was first introduced to DBT many years ago by a friend and colleague while working in the outpatient mental health clinic at the Des Moines VA hospital. From the moment I learned about it, I was hooked. The practical nature of DBT—learning concrete skills to manage life in a way that aligns with your personal values—resonated deeply with me.

And I’m not alone in that. Clients often tell me, “Why couldn’t I have learned all this sooner?! This could’ve saved me from so much hardship if only I’d known!”

Over the years, I’ve heard powerful testimonies from group members. Some have shared how they now teach DBT skills to their children, noticing a real change in how their families interact. It’s not just therapy— it’s a toolkit for life .

What Happens in DBT Skills Training?

DBT Skills Training teaches practical, real-world tools in four main areas:

Mindfulness – Staying present instead of lost in worries or regrets.

Distress Tolerance – Surviving emotional storms without making things worse.

Emotion Regulation – Understanding and working with your emotions instead of feeling ruled by them.

Interpersonal Effectiveness – Communicating more clearly, setting boundaries, and building stronger relationships.

These are skills you can use immediately—at work, at home, and in all your relationships.

Check out my video talking more about DBT here:

https://youtu.be/TMAg3egcVi8

Next DBT Skills Training Group

�� Starts: Wednesday, August 20

�� Time: 4:00 – 6:00 PM

�� Location: Moore Life Counseling, West Des Moines, IA

This next module is the perfect time to jump in and start learning. Whether you’re facing anxiety, depression, relationship struggles, or just the stress of everyday life, DBT offers tools that work.

Ready to join or learn more?

Call us at 515-240-1910 or email cheryl@moorelifecc.com to let me know you're interested.

Space is limited—we’d love to see you there!

Skillfully,

Cheryl Moore

When Life Changes, Old Wounds Echo: CPTSD & Major Transitions

Fri, 08 Aug 2025 18:11:16 GMT

Opening Week!

On Monday morning, with great anticipation and the thrill of recognizing hard work fulfilled, I opened the doors to my new therapy practice, Moore Life Counseling. It was a moment filled with pride and purpose, followed with familiar waves of anxiety. I was reminded how even joyful transitions can stir up echoes of the past, especially for those living with Complex PTSD (CPTSD).

Unlike PTSD, which often stems from a single traumatic event, CPTSD typically develops from prolonged or repeated trauma, often in childhood. These experiences can deeply shape a person’s sense of safety, trust, and identity—making change, even positive change, feel destabilizing.

Major life transitions can be uniquely challenging for those with CPTSD because they may trigger:

Loss of control – Positive changes can still feel unsafe.
Fear of the unknown – New situations can mirror early experiences of chaos.
Attachment disruptions – Change might awaken fears of abandonment.
Shifts in identity – Altered roles can unsettle a fragile sense of self.
Body memories and emotional flooding – Triggers may arise without an obvious cause.

If you find yourself reacting strongly to a big life change—moving, starting a new job, ending a relationship—it doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means your nervous system is working hard to protect you, even if its methods are outdated.

Some supportive strategies include:

Practicing grounding and self-compassion
Creating predictable routines
Naming fears and inner parts
Processing triggers with trauma-informed therapies like EMDR or ART
Leaning on safe, supportive relationships

As I step into this new season, I’m reminded that healing doesn’t mean we never get shaken—it means we’ve learned how to find our footing again. My hope is that this space becomes a place where you can do just that.

Recommended Resources:

Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk